Bread, Booch, and Belonging
A personal list of adult milestones that never make it to Instagram
Everyone keeps score differently. Some count promotions, property, and passport stamps. Others mark adulthood through marriage or retirement plans, joint accounts or gym memberships. And while those are valid (albeit boring, often stressful) markers, I’ve come to realise that some of the biggest wins in adulthood come quietly. Adulthood wins are not just marked by achieving or excelling to certain societal levels, but through deeply personal, everyday, niche victories. The kinds you don’t always notice.
Growing up is not about constantly arriving at different levels or stages of life. Although it may seem like it’s about the “next big thing", it’s not, not always. We don’t invest in noticing the everyday because we are overspent on our phones and devices. But noticing the fact that you (I) now know how to manage a week’s groceries without waste. Noticing how you (I) once felt intimidated by taxes, or choosing a moisturiser, and now you (I) just do it. There are a bazillion things I never thought I’d get the hang of, and I did. That in itself feels like a quiet triumph.
Let’s talk bread (I love talking bread). Finding a perfect loaf of bread, not a pre-sliced, packed in a plastic kind of abomination, but a good, crusty, invested, made with a good amount of well-fermented love kind of loaf, well, that makes my day. Yes, I am a woman who sometimes carries a bread loaf in her purse, but it’s never a baguette (except once), cos I have depth. (hehe)
Or let’s talk about the bar I used to go to in 2019. It was home to a lot of people like me, who also eventually became friends because they just went to the same bar, week after week. I never had to order when I was there. The server just knew. Five minutes after walking in, my drink would appear like clockwork. No fuss, no menu, no questions. (Sidenote: He also somehow adjusted my bill cos I never paid more than 1k, and I would definitely have more than a couple of beers) But that was happiness, you know..it felt like home. The place sadly shut down after decades of running during COVID. It has now been replaced by a confused new restaurant that doesn’t have a clue about what it wants to be. However, I still cherish the fact that for a while, I had found a place of my own. And that’s a rare feeling for adulthood, right? We don’t find it easy to belong in places, all at once, not with all our different personalities and needs.
Anyway, last night I also found a kombucha that I actually like. Not too sharp or aggressively flavoured, just the right amount of fermentation and balance of fizz and tang. In a city where I find it hard to admire anything consistently and long enough, this was definitely a win for me. It is like being at a supermarket and finally knowing how to pick the better ingredient between a few options, and your head goes “oh! I get it now, this is a level up.” That happened.
Sure, there are no medals for these small but very spectacular, serotonin-studded wins. But it is the fabric of our lives being slowly, joyfully and deliberately stitched together. It makes me, me. It defines what makes me happy, and after all, that is the only point of being alive, right? Everything else is a by-product. We do things to achieve a level of satisfaction that feels just right…just simple joy. So let’s list out a few adult wins that don’t get the applause we deserve.
To being recognised by a bartender (the best)
To finding a sunscreen that you will actually buy again!
To finally knowing that you can run out of toothpaste? (yep, that was a first)
To making informed decisions (okay this one’s a work in progress) on when and with whom to pick your battles.
To learning how to accept that not all friendships are supposed to last a lifetime. (maybe a lifetime is a few months, years…)
To Kombucha, that finally makes sense. (I am also waiting to find a good IPA in this country, although I did try a friend’s brew two weekends back, and I am just so proud of him. It had that citrusy, fall-like smell when you open up a can of apricot ale)
To bread that just feels like hugging your home.
These are very small markers, and they may seem insignificant to a lot of people (so make your own list, god!). But I will not trade these. I also just got reminded of the poem I wrote when I was 11. I typed it onto the computer and printed it out for people to read, pretty much like I am doing right now, and it was basically the same thing. A poem about all the things I loved back then, so here it is again.
Have a good weekend, ya’ll! (I know I’m not from the countryside of a weird state in the US, but I will continue to say y’all)
I always end with recommendations, so I finished a show called Adults this morning, and 10/10 recommend. For those in India, you will find it on Jio and others, it’s on Hulu. It has my new favourite actor, Owen Thiele (yes!) and Charlie Cox (THE guy from Daredevil) for a couple of episodes!
This is so beautiful Jaya. It’s so nice to read you again, miss seeing your face in college and I wish I could see the bar you went to :)
I resonate with this so very much! Some years ago, I had this profound realisation that many of my “milestones”—unlike those of my contemporaries—have always been the more quiet, internal, invisible kinds.